Sometimes I just need to stop. I need to do nothing. Nooooothing. It’s hard to explain this to well-meaning family and friends. To most people, a relaxing chat over a cup of tea is “stopping”, but to me, that’s doing quite a lot. That’s something that I like to do on good days.
It’s hard to explain that I don’t need to relax the same way that they do after a long day. I need to just stop. I need to drop everything and spend a day alternating between the sofa and bed. I don’t shower. I don’t eat anything more complicated than a pot noodle. I make several cups of tea and completely forget about them. I am basically a high functioning zombie. If I don’t stop, then I just double the suffering that happens the next day. When I say that I feel awful, I don’t mean I’m a bit under the weather. I am ill every single day and most days, I manage to just get on with it. When I say I need to stop, it’s because I simply cannot carry on. I am buggered.
Sometimes I wake up and feel like I have a level 5 hang’ and some epic jet lag. Except, I’ve not been drinking the night before and haven’t even left my house if days, never mind the country. I call this an EDS hangover. This is when I hurt all over, am utterly exhausted, have loads of adrenaline pumping through my veins for no reason, feel that lingering nausea and spend all day feeling too hot one minute and freezing cold the next. In the past, I’ve thought that this EDS hangover was the start of some nasty muggle illness like the flu, but it isn’t. It’s just my body being an asshole.
I can only hope that tomorrow is better. Yay for hot water bottles and binge watching Black Mirror. I hope no one “pops round” because I’m not answering the door today.