Blogging for Attention.

Contrary to what some of my friends and family might believe, I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that I was going to label myself a “chronic illness blogger”. Let’s be honest, I spent a year hoping that my pain could be cured and wouldn’t be “chronic”. No one wants an incurable, life long illness – but I’ve got one.

I originally started writing it down as a means to buffer my friends and family from my constant complaining. I needed to tell someone about what was going on because I was in so much pain and it felt so unfair. I figured that if I wrote a blog, I’d only be ranting to people who chose to subject themselves to it. No one is being forced to read this.

Some people think that I dwell on my illness or that I have let it consume me. Let’s make one thing clear, I didn’t let it consume me. It marched in uninvited and took away everything that I took for granted. It took away the things that I was looking forward to and everything I used to enjoy. It is the biggest, darkest cloud that I have to take into consideration with every insignificant activity that I do. I can’t choose to ignore it and “get on with it” because IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT. If I ignore it and over-do things then I end up in more pain than my healthy friends could even comprehend. I’m not saying that to boast, it’s not a competition. I genuinely can’t think of words to explain what it feels like to wake up crippled and in agony because I thought I’d try and change the bedsheets the day before. The baseline level of pain that I deal with is exhausting on its own.

There are some friends and family who sit on the periphery of my life and read my blog, only to decide that I’m a Moaning Minnie – but they are wrong. If you’re reading this and you’ve come to that same conclusion, ask yourself this; when did you last call me on the phone or visit me? Unless you are my immediate family, my Gran or a few of my friends, you haven’t called in over a year… No one calls. This blog is primarily about living with a chronic illness. People don’t come here to hear about the fact that I had to wrap all of J’s Christmas presents because he’s a big kid and kept looking for them. They don’t want to hear about how bloody amazing our two fluffy bunnies are. They really don’t care that I ordered a new cardigan with BUNNIES ON THE POCKETS. But I am still me. I still get excited about silly things and laugh inappropriately. I still swear more than my father would like and I’d still do anything for anyone – mobility allowing.

xmasbuns
Who am I kidding? You all love Nigel and Penny ❤

Basically, what I’m saying is that…. If you read what I post online and judge me and how I’m managing with my condition, it says a lot more about your small minded, judgemental attitude than it does about me. If you think I’m moaning, could it not just be that I’m in a world of pain and miserable? And really, if you’re a friend or family, your reaction to me being depressed due to chronic illness should NOT be to criticise me. What’s worse? Being miserable or being an out and out arsehole?

Ren x

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2 thoughts on “Blogging for Attention.

  1. Ms. Mango says:

    Everyone needs an outlet, and I mean everyone. People who suffer and are in pain all the time though, really NEED it. It goes so far beyond attention or a cry for help. If you were writing for attention it would be all over social media shouting to the rooftops for all your loved ones, acquaintances and who ever else to hear and not in a specific corner of the blog sphere where all us chronic illness sufferers unite. You deserve to vent about how frustrating it is to handle every day with something that has pretty much crushed your vision of what you thought your healthy life would be. You’re allowed to be pissed, you’re allowed to grieve and hell you’re allowed to want a little attention for it. Most of us don’t want to go quietly off into the night. You don’t deserve to be judged on it as an attention seeker or that the venting and negativity is all of who you are. A lot of my negativity and bitching about my illness gets done on my blog too and not with my loved ones for that exact reason, it needs somewhere to go but its definitely not all that I am. Take care and I hope you enjoy the holidays (I have to do the same thing with Mr. Mangos gifts haha)! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ZebraWitch says:

    Anyone who thinks that can fuck right off. They clearly haven’t lived with a complex chronic illness.

    As someone in the same position, I tend to use mine to try and avoid the bombardment of questions fairweather friends present when they see me. It’s exhausting because our condition IS complex. Explaining what it is IS complex. It presents in so many ways and affects every aspect of our lives. A lot of people ask us the same questions. It’s repetitive and we don’t always want to discuss it.
    It helps to keep all the answers to their questions tucked away neatly in one place for people who care to view at their leisure.

    I’m so honoured when people take the time to read mine. I know that with those caring souls comes a load of cunts there for the show and to make judgements. But if that’s how they operate, I pity them.
    They couldn’t handle half of what we do.

    Your blogging never comes across as attention seeking. Maybe it appears that way to idiots because they can’t understand how a person could be facing all these problems? But it probably just comes from a place of deep seated self hatred and with that, the desire to pry into other’s lives.

    Seriously, if any of you are reading this, fuck yourself x

    Liked by 1 person

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