O motivation, motivation! Wherefore art thou motivation?

Blaaaaaagh. I don’t want to do anything. I’m exhausted, sore, fed up, hormonal and constantly cold, even when the flat is actually like an oven.

I think it’s partly because chronic illness hates winter and also because we’re buggering around with my hormones. I decided to go on the pill because my hormones had gone completely freestyle. I gave them a year to settle having come off of the Depo Provera injections, but they were still so unpredictable. I don’t care what any doctors say – my hormones massively affect my pain. I maintain that one day there will be dozens of papers regarding how progesterone levels really fuck with hypermobile people – but unfortunately no one has the cash to throw at that right now. Y’all are just going to have to take my word for it. Thankfully, my fabulous occupational therapist and my brilliant GP do understand.

My GP went away and researched pill possibilities for me. She accepted information I photocopied from my EDS/Hypermobility books. SHE GOOGLED IT. Why? Because she wants to help me. She doesn’t have an undying need to be right, unlike most GPs. We decided on Loestrin 20 because it’s a super low dose. The thing is, I feel awful. I’m starting to wonder if my body just can’t handle any more progesterone than it already produces.

I’ve had two weeks of feeling that disgusting way that you feel the day or two before your period. I’m restless and grumpy. I just can’t settle. I want to eat EVERYTHING. I just don’t like feeling this way on top of the whole pain/exhaustion thing that I usually have to deal with and I honestly don’t know how long I can keep going for before I hit a wall. Gah.

My one accomplishment of the weekend was turning our flat into a sparkle-fest ❤

Hey Santa, for Christmas I would love to have a nice couple of days with J and his family where I’m not really sore, not in a world of pain and not fucking miserable. Please. Thanks.

Ren x


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