An Elephant Never Forgets

Nor does someone who lives with a chronic illness. I mean, sure, we forget to take our tablets, we forget to eat, we don’t ever know what day it is and we never, ever remove a load of washing from the machine the first time round. But we will always remember who was there for us… and who wasn’t.

Yes, I have the most amazing support network in the form of friends, family and colleagues. Most people will occasionally check in, which is nice and feels very normal. A couple of people go out of their way to see me, which is really, super lovely – I have one cakey bakey friend who genuinely works on the basis that she comes to see me and doesn’t mind if I’m smelly or my house is a bomb site. I also have one friend who comes over and trims my hair for me! But… There are also people who prefer to have nothing to do with me. Y’know, people who have been happy to accept my support in the past. The same people who I have actively included in activities when they were feeling down or people who have stayed at mine when they have had a fight with their partner… Those ones.

hot-choc
Hot chocolate with Ms Cakey Bakey ❤

I know that everyone has their own life and their own battles that I know nothing about. But I can’t help but be aware of the “friends” who never strike up a conversation with me any more. They don’t call, they don’t text and they don’t initiate a conversation on messenger. Nada. I used to think that they just didn’t know what to say, but that’s not true. I’m not easy to offend, especially when it’s clear that intentions were good. I’m the first one to laugh at myself and my lousy situation – I’ve always been this way. If they don’t know what to say, it’s because they have serious hang ups regarding illness and disability. I’m not contagious. Having a cup of tea with me will not make you into a cripple.

prosecco
I didn’t even get dressed for cake, prosecco and the GBBO final with the fabulous Ms Cakey Bakey.

I’m frequently surprised by the awesome support I receive from fellow spoonies and bloggers online. I have been left speechless by the support shown by old high-school acquaintances – not even people I was particularly friendly with as a kid. New friends who have only ever known sick me have been equally brilliant. I’ve been shown constant support from colleagues – who initially would have been (rightfully) the most disgruntled by my constant illness. But I just can’t get rid of the sinking feeling of disappointment that comes when I look back and see that I’ve heard nothing from a “good friend” in over six months – and even then, it was me striking up the conversations.

I know that friends come and go through life, but I wasn’t quite prepared for a mass exodus. Slowly, it bothers me less and less… But it still hurts because I always put a lot of effort into being a good friend to these people. It stings that in my hour of need, that kindness is not reciprocated.

Ren x

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6 thoughts on “An Elephant Never Forgets

  1. paws2smile says:

    Same here! I used to have a close group of high school friends who I stayed close to into my 20’s. But ever since I went on disability, they vanished. And it really sucks! 😢 It saddens me horribly. Because when something happens, you expect your friends to be there… Not only that but it made me feel even less “normal” than I already was feeling about having an illness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. brokendownbody says:

      I try and remind myself that for every fair weather friend that I’ve lost, someone positive has come into my life. Sometimes it’s online friends and sometimes it’s real life. But even an online friend who is kind is worth ten of a crappy friend who doesn’t give a damn ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Emma says:

    I can relate to this exactly. I have lost two best friends through my condition and not been able to do much with them so they dropped me. I find more support from other spoonies online and my male friend who has stuck by me all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bandnamdcharlie says:

    I’m dealing with the same issues right now and just wrote about this on my site. Through all this though, the real friends show through. And, honestly, it’s better to have one or two friends who will come over and watch Hulu with me while I’m in my pajamas with a heating pad on my stomach, than fake friends who I have to dress up and pretend to be a different person around. And like you said, there are a lot of amazing people on WP and the online support groups 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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