I’m seeing a new GP tomorrow. Well, technically she’s my old GP. She’s the last doctor I saw who wanted to help me. Unfortunately for me, when she last helped me she was very pregnant and did that whole maternity leave, birth giving thing – how selfish?! Did she not know that she was the only doctor in the whole place who actually cares about her patients and thus she is not allowed a personal life because in her absence, the other doctors make people suffer? Anyway, now she’s back and now I have an explanation for my dilapidated, clapped out, pain riddled body. I am terrified about tomorrow, but I have a double appointment and have narrowed my woes down into a few things I need help with:

1 – I need a GP who acknowledges my hypermobility diagnosis. I need her to accept that most of my ailments are tied into EDS. I don’t expect her to be an expert, but I need to be taken seriously when I have concerns with a course of treatment or turn up with yet another “unexplainable” ache or pain. My GP is the person who can open doors to other treatments. I’ll never get as well as I can be when my go-to person thinks I’m a pain in the ass and doesn’t WANT to help me. I really like her and hope that she can be this doctor…

2 – I need her help in explaining my illness to the DWP. A few months ago I had enjoyed a couple of weeks where I felt unusually good. I had foolishly gotten my hopes up about returning to work. Following conversations with my physio, occupational therapist and previous GP (who had just started to be nice and then left), it has become very clear that while I can’t even wash and dress myself, I can’t work. It took a lot for me to accept this and it really got me down. I’d just about got my head around it and had my work capability assessment for ESA – the DWP think I’m fit for work. It’s bullshit. I just don’t have the gusto to keep fighting. I’ve had to fight for everything over the last 2 years. Sick people don’t have the energy for this. I really do need her help.

3 – I need help to keep on living. My family and my boyfriend are the only reason I keep going. It’s coming into winter and I’m slipping into the utter hell of chronic illness when it starts to get cold. I have no quality of life in the winter months. I literally live to endure pain every single day with no reprise. I wish the days away. I get to the point where I wish my life away because it’s just so miserable. I don’t think I’m suffering from clinical depression, though. I WANT to be able to go climbing, hill walking, shopping, to work, to the pub… Fuck it, I want to be able to cook and clean and wash and dress myself. I am miserable because I can’t. I don’t know if I need medication or if I need therapy, but I don’t know if I can last another entire season in this pain.

I need her help. I so badly hope she wants to help me…

Ren x


4 thoughts on “GP S.O.S.

  1. Kara says:

    Oooo, how nerve-racking! The best doctors aren’t necessarily the most knowledgeable. They’re the ones who listen, then act on your concerns and also have a willingness to learn from their patients. It helps if they find you fascinating. After all, you’ve got a very rare disease. You’re many (good) things, but a boring patient isn’t one of ’em. 😉 My GP knew of POTS, but I indirectly taught him about the details. He loves how weird I am, so it works out well. I hope she’s just as helpful and perceptive this time around!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jayne says:

    Hugs Lauren – the best you can hope for is a GP who just listens. I think I’ve now got me one of them. I also see a psychologist regularly just to help with adjusting my life – she has been invaluable and listen when does! Good luck seeing your doc – I have everything crossed that it works out the way you hope and you can come metaphorically skipping out of there! X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. brokendownbody says:

      Awwww what a boost as i’m getting ready to go to the docs!! Thank you lovely. I saw a pain psychologist who basically said i’m doing as well as can be expected in my situation. Hah. I also seem to have woken up about 50% deaf and am worried it’s the same shit from 3 years ago where i had to get grommets in a few days before xmas… Under local anaesthetic. Dear body, you are a jerk! Gaaaah! X


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