Maybe the title should be “too exhausted to blog”. Spoons are in short supply and high demand these days and I just don’t have the energy to write good blogs. I’m not significantly more ill than I have been over the past year, I just seem to be scraping the barrel for energy every single day.
I’m not feeling positive. Physio feels like a £1,000,000 debt being paid off at a measly £1 a week – and that’s the weeks I even manage to do the exercises. Every physiotherapist I’ve seen has been positive that things will start moving once I get pain relief. But now that I’ve been told that pain relief might not ever be an option, what am I supposed to do? Pacing is all well and good but how many weeks, months or years am I to sit in my flat while it gets dirtier and more unbearable? I know that my physio tells me that doing the washing and emptying the dishwasher is too much, but it’s also now understood that being confined to a messy environment is detrimental to our mental health. What the bejesus am I supposed to do?! I stay in and take it easy – I go mad with the mess. I get out of the house – I go mad with the pain.
I feel like crud. I am finding it hard to envisage myself having any quality of life in the coming years. I am increasingly snappy and difficult to live with. I don’t like me in this situation but can’t see any way to make it easier.
Gah. Stupid body.