Too Sick to Blog.

Maybe the title should be “too exhausted to blog”. Spoons are in short supply and high demand these days and I just don’t have the energy to write good blogs. I’m not significantly more ill than I have been over the past year, I just seem to be scraping the barrel for energy every single day.

I’m not feeling positive. Physio feels like a £1,000,000 debt being paid off at a measly £1 a week – and that’s the weeks I even manage to do the exercises. Every physiotherapist I’ve seen has been positive that things will start moving once I get pain relief. But now that I’ve been told that pain relief might not ever be an option, what am I supposed to do? Pacing is all well and good but how many weeks, months or years am I to sit in my flat while it gets dirtier and more unbearable? I know that my physio tells me that doing the washing and emptying the dishwasher is too much, but it’s also now understood that being confined to a messy environment is detrimental to our mental health. What the bejesus am I supposed to do?! I stay in and take it easy – I go mad with the mess. I get out of the house – I go mad with the pain.

I feel like crud. I am finding it hard to envisage myself having any quality of life in the coming years. I am increasingly snappy and difficult to live with. I don’t like me in this situation but can’t see any way to make it easier.

Gah. Stupid body.

Ren x

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11 thoughts on “Too Sick to Blog.

  1. Ms. Mango says:

    It is very hard to stay positive when in pain and constantly exhausted and it can almost be annoying when those around us try and push happy thoughts through it all. I hope that you are able to find some relief from the physio and am hoping that some extra spoons somehow manage to find their way to you. xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Ms. Mango says:

        Thanks for letting me know, I don’t know why it keeps linking to an old (very old) web page that isn’t active, every once in a while but it seems to be back to the usual again after re entering blog url…for now. xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Kara says:

    Chronic funk is frustrating as hell. I do have to agree, out of all of the things I deal with, pain tends to have a massive impact on QOL, second only to my cyclical barf-fests. Then there are times when I lose most of my brain cells and I get a rush of optimism and positivity that makes me want to kick my own ass because normal me would find positive me to be insufferable. 😀

    I really hope y’all figure something out to help ease the burden a little bit. Pain is exhausting. Maybe one day you’ll get MMJ over there? That might help, unless you’re allergic.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. brokendownbody says:

      I’m not allergic, I’m just too chicken to break the law regularly! But it helps… My physio is referring me to a chronic pain physio in the hope that they can make the pain feel more manageable. But that’s another 3 month wait… Gah!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Kara says:

        Same story here, I’m in a state that keeps voting down MMJ. Maybe one day the world will come to its senses. Until then, I hope you’re able to find relief wherever possible. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. bowermanland says:

    I’ve been living in a shit pit since my Mum got sick and my Dad decided to renovate the whole house. Having a week away from it did wonders, but I didn’t realise how detrimental to my physical and mental health it is. I want to get it clear enough (no stacks of stuff or piles on the floor) to have a cleaner. That is my goal: cleaner. I’ve not been able to do my physio for 2 weeks and have had ‘gut rot’ for 9 days. At the moment I want to smack my head against the wall. Instead I’ve been reading and watching the paralympics. And then gently smashing my head against the wall. Keep going.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. brokendownbody says:

      Aww man. I totally understand how you feel. My physio suggested renting a wheelchair or scooter so that I can get out and about without doing my pan in. I’m down on a waiting list for one now so keeping everything crossed. Pain and fatigue suck when they strike together =[ hugs x

      Like

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