I just wrote a mammoth essay about how disappointed I am in some people for not keeping in touch, or not replying to messages or being generally aloof these days. I spoke about how I still care deeply about how their work, uni, their health and their kids are and I want to hear about it all, the same way I always have… I also spoke about how people have their own stuff going on that may impinge on being sociable, but not for a year, surely? If I buy you a birthday present and you don’t see me for so long that the chocolate is going out of date – are you really someone I should be bothering to buy birthday presents for? No. The chocolate was delicious, by the way. But I came to a realisation and deleted the post.
I realised some people are just more self-centred creatures. They don’t avoid me because of my illness. They just don’t make an effort, but they never have, it’s just the way they are. The lack of effort only becomes apparent when you are no longer perusing the same activities where you are conveniently in the same place at the same time. To some people, a friend is someone who enjoys the same pursuits as yourself and is good fun. To other people, a friend is someone who has your back, who you would make an effort to see, despite it being in a different setting to usual.
It’s only a problem when I see someone as a “make an effort to see” sort of friend but they see me as a “see her at climbing” type friend. Now I can’t go climbing, I am not even on their radar unless I have a party and invite them to my house. It sucks a bit, but it’s my own stupid fault for assuming other people look at the world the same way I do. I won’t ever stop caring so much about my friends because I have some bloody amazing friends who make so much effort to see me, to keep in touch and the pick me up when I’m feeling down – for such friends, see the photo above. I just need to be aware that just because someone means a lot to me, that maybe they don’t feel the same way – which sucks when it’s a “close” friend or family but I need to remember it’s not personal and these people would probably take a fortnight to notice if their own mother fell off the face of the planet. It’s not that they necessarily don’t care, just don’t expect them to actually tell you that they care.
Humans are so weird. In my next life, I think I’ll be a dog.