But have you tried yoga?

I want to start off my saying that my mother is a yoga teacher who attends yoga retreats – the whole she-bang. She sent me to a physiotherapist who is also a SHAMAN, for God’s sake, or not God, at least not THAT God because, shaman, y’know?! Fucking minefield right there. Yoga does brilliant things for millions of people and I acknowledge that it can feature in a very healthy lifestyle that can change people’s lives. Yoga is not for me. Highland dancing is not for me. Ballet is not for me. Gymnastics are not for me. Running is not for me. Rock climbing is not for me. How do I know? I’ve tried and loved them all… except yoga, and it always ends in injury after injury and everything takes forever to heal. I end up with my joints in casts and steroids being injected into my shoulders. My joints, ligaments, tendons and muscles are fragile little flowers, basically.

This doesn’t stop doctors, friends, family, ignorant physios and the man who came to fix the oven all recommending the curative powers of yoga. A good old stretch can fix just about anything. Do you know the ONLY activity my rheumatologist told me to strictly avoid? “Stretching activities like yoga”. Turns out stretching doesn’t cure hyper mobility.

Oddly enough, last time I did try yoga was with my Mum a couple of years ago. I had asked her to come over as I was freaked out that I could no longer touch my toes which used to be so easy for me. She took over all of the foam blocks and stuff used to assist/support people who are turning to stone. I do wonder if she thought that the Queen of Narnia had gotten to me! She was most surprised that I didn’t need them. It was only my lower back that had seized up, though unless you’re looking for it to be an issue with my back, it just looks like tight hamstrings. Now I feel like an idiot for not seeing the flashing, whooping and hollering sign of what was to come. Oops.

Mr Tumnus turning to stone. Because… James McAvoy… Swoon.

So basically, along with every other chronically ill person, people suggest treatments and cures to me all of the time on the assumption that I am content to just sit on my ass all day being sore and haven’t tried anything. Either that or I’m a total plonker who hasn’t researched my illness in any way… Or seen a consultant regarding it. I am going to get a t-shirt made up to deal with this issue. I’m sure it’s not hard for you to imagine what it’ll say.

Yes. I’ve tried yoga and I won’t be doing it again. Thanks.

Ren x