Billy Nae Mates

I really try not to give this too much thought but it’s been playing on my mind again. I can’t decide if I actually have no friends or a bunch of friends who just all happen to suck at staying in touch / inviting me to stuff. I start 98% of conversations and instigate most plans. I try really hard to include people in things only to constantly see collages uploaded onto Facebook of events I wasn’t invited to. I try to tell myself that if they don’t invite me to things (when I have previously tried to include them) then they aren’t my friends – but given that, do I have any friends? Do my family even care how I am? I ask them fairly regularly how they are doing and never hear from my siblings unless it’s someone’s birthday and I’ve failed to organise a communal gift. My 90 year old Gran called the other day because she thought my rheumatology appointment was on the 21st, not the 31st. She just wondered how it had gone. No one else has approached me to ask what’s going on. I’m tempted to deactivate my Facebook account so that people need to call/text me if they want to know if I’m alive.

I know that if I cancel a couple of times or struggle to make plans that are set in stone that it must wind people up and I’m really, really sorry about it but sometimes I can’t make myself an instant coffee, never mind going out for a coffee. I’ve noticed that some people then stop texting back when I try and organise a catch up. I don’t think that those people are true friends but it’s disappointing nonetheless because I thought they liked me. It’s not them that I’m talking about, though. It’s the people who I have been there for, who I have been steaming drunk with, who have previously borrowed my clothes/jewellery etc. I just don’t get how they can never message me to say hi. I don’t expect daily texts or even weekly communication but I’ve noticed that next to no one messages me to say hi, I’m always the one messaging them. I don’t know if I’d rather feel lonely or like a loser chasing people who don’t like me enough to get in touch.

I know that there will always be people in life who are like the social glue who organise the meals and bowling trips. Someone always has to instigate plans but it’d be really nice if just occasionally someone spoke to me first or made plans to catch up because they wanted to.

If all else fails at least I am fully equipped to become a crazy old bird lady. My neighbours already think I’m mad because I sit outside on sunny days with these little suckers!


Ren x


4 thoughts on “Billy Nae Mates

  1. Ms. Mango says:

    I hear you. It’s always hard to watch everyone else seem to have a social life while you miss out on everything. Like you, I hit the point where eventually I stop putting in the effort with people who don’t give some back. My friend circle is much smaller now and some of my family I don’t see for years at a time, but I feel less stressed about having to be in charge of it all. I do hope that some of your loved ones get their *#$% together and start putting in an effort. If not, being a crazy old bird lady doesn’t sound too bad!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. brokendownbody says:

      Next time you’re in town for an appointment you should totally come over for a cuppa 😊

      It’s just a bit of a kick in the teeth when people don’t invite you and then you see the photos. I might not be able to stay to the end or even join in at stuff but i’d be happy to cheer from the side lines sometimes.

      It’s annoying that people often only seem to get in touch to suggest the magical moon stone treatments that helped their cousin’s dog’s step sister!!! Hehe x

      Liked by 1 person

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