Do you know what sucks? When you need support in every single way. The hardest bit for me to accept is the financial help. My partner and my parents basically make sure that money isn’t something that plays on my mind and for that, I am eternally grateful. But I do feel so, so guilty. They go without luxuries that they have worked hard for and deserve so that I don’t have to worry about managing the food shop for that week. Because we live in Aberdeen, our rent is an extortionate £875 a month for a two bed flat, council tax is £165 a month. I worry that with the price of oil and the on-going redundancies, that J’s job isn’t all that secure. It’s a very real concern in today’s climate.
But worrying won’t make me better. Maybe by trying to stay positive and stay as active as physically possible, I’ll get back to work sooner and if J did lose his job, I’ll at least be working – not that I earn enough to pay much more than just our rent, but it’s something to work towards and a reason to push myself.
My right to Statutory Sick Pay runs out at the end of this month so I need to apply for ESA. I spent what felt like an eternity on the phone to the Job Centre today only to be told that my National Insurance profile doesn’t hold enough information for them to process my application, so they are sending out a pile of paperwork that I need to complete. The lady on the phone was really nice and said that it’s probably because I’ve never claimed benefits before. I almost wish I had, because the idea of a pile of paperwork fills me with dread. Urgh. I suppose the government are quite happy to take your money but when it comes to them giving money out, they like to make you work for it!
Being sick sucks. Needing help sucks. Having family that are happy to help is a bigger blessing than I deserve. I’ll never be able to repay them and will never fully understand why J stands by me when everything is so tough.