I’m Ren and I have chronic pissed off body syndrome. Basically, the doctors don’t really know what’s wrong with me but my body seems to have ground to a halt on the hard shoulder. I have been poked and prodded, jabbed with needles, cut open and poked about inside, given countless drugs that I can’t tolerate, peed in jars, pooped in jars, seen physiotherapists, acupuncturists and more doctors than I can count.
I have decided to start a blog because when you have a chronic condition, simple tasks and everyday stresses can become mammoth ordeals that most people just can’t get their head around. I sort of hope that the very few people who read this blog might develop more of an understanding as to why chronically ill people like me can’t always see things the same way everyone else does.
I’ve suffered from depression in the past and while that was a horribly dark and difficult time for me, I’ve never felt as alone as I do now. Not because I don’t have amazing people all around me (I really do), but because for most people it’s difficult to comprehend being sick and not getting better without a diagnosis of cancer or another well-known life changing illness. I’m positive that even the people who care most about me have doubted me at one time or another and I don’t blame them. The last ten months have been a catalogue of diagnostic disasters that have left specialists shrugging their shoulders and deducing that I do not fall within their diagnostic remit. It’s only natural that while you’re at work on a Wednesday afternoon and your boss is being a jerk that it pops into your mind that five months off work “sick” would be nice… It’s not. Please consider the fact that if I just wanted some time off of work, I absolutely would not pretend to have gynaecological issues/abdominal pain. It’s not fun and it’s nothing like having a snow day at school.
I don’t expect that many people will read this blog. There are hundreds of people writing about their chronic condition and they are far better writers and are much more entertaining than me. On the other hand, there are also a lot of sick people out there wading through the same pool of “attention seeker” judgement sludge wearing the same weighted suit of guilt that I am. Maybe one of them will read this and relate.
This is my face. A bit like most chronically ill people, I don’t always look sick.